Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
