found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
