Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He passed out mid-signature
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
