Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't notice because vodka
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
