and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If its not for food we ain't going out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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