i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
handjob tips. give me some.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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