so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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