we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
