You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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