evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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