Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
