Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
