Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
