just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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