Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
