dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
