If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
