my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
