You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
