You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
