You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
