so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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