when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
