Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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