maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
