Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
