Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there was a trapeze. enough said
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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