Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
