best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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