so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
