Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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