we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
