i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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