my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
