he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The ass gains better be worth it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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