i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
