Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
