I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
