I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
