So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
