why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
