we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
