the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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