becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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