First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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