you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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