I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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