i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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