I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
