I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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