ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
