who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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