apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
