I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
